Parent/Youth Dynamics in Korean American Context

I attended a Parent/Youth Seminar this past weekend at Good Shepard Presbyterian Church in Rowland Heights, Ca. on Parent/Youth dynamics in Korean American context, conducted by Dr. Josephine Kim (google her). The seminar was filled with insights, as well as a good reminder of many aspects we are already aware of and yet the information seems to be in a 'bottle neck'! I will write in generalites because of various copyright 'unknowns.'
I felt that the seminar began with addressing various assumptions between parents and children, basically a lack of effective 'love language' communication. Alot of this is attirbuted to cultural miscues between Korean and American values. Also many, KAs (Korean Americans) grow up in a world where their ethnic makeup is not positive, but a source of 'shame,' often resulting in narcissism or low self esteem. Dr. Kim mentioned that KA males suffer from depression in high percentages. Overall, many KAs have low self esteem resutling in high percentages of depression, perfectionism, procrastination (fear of failure), shame and guilt (amongst other things)! KA parents often magnify exhisting shame in their children by trying to manipulate their kids into good behavior with statments like, 'your brother get straight A's, what about you?' Dr. Kim unequivically deters such statements and shared her personal struggles in working hard to cultivate healthy communciation with her our parents.
She often referred to Cho Seung Hui and the Virginia Tech trajedy, where she went as a bi-lingual and bi-cultural counselor and was 'heart-broken' by all the prevention that could have taken place! Dr. Kim talks about the WHOLE 'I' which states that a 'healthy' individual should be developed in a balanced way: intellectually, socially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. However, we often find overgrown areas and neglected areas. Cho Seung Hui had no friends, no support system, and was isolated.
In conclusion, she encourages us TO TEACH TO TALK! We often overspiritualize issues in church, with legalistic, spiritual 'guilt trips' which often hurt more than help people. We need to have strong, progressive leaders in the church who help faciliate opporutnities for real talk, real healing and real growth! Lastly, she shared an occasion where her and her team helped faciliate a small group of parents and kids with the focus on communciation and the kids left saying, if church was like this, I would want to come every week! That is crazy :0, I think that provides a invaluable insight into the hearts of our youth; they want to understand and be understood by their parents, but often see the chasm between each other too wide, thank God for people like Dr. Kim, who are building a bridge to that chasm!